Love: The Nutrition for Soul

By: A. S. Wara
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Ever Merciful…

“And among His signs is that He created for you, from yourselves, mates, that you might find peace by their side, and become intimate with them, and He ordained between you, all, affection and mercy. Surely in that, there are signs for a people who reflect”. (Q30: V21)

Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“….Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall out-number the people by you” (Dawud: Book 11: Hadith 2045)

“…go and see her for you might see something you may like in her….” Prophet (peace be upon him).

“Of Love--may God exalt you! -the first part is jesting, and the last part is right earnestness. So majestic are its diverse aspects, they are too subtle to be described; their reality can only be apprehended by personal experience. Love is neither disapproved by Religion, nor prohibited by the Law; for every heart is in God's hands.” Ibn Hazm

Women think of love as empathy and sympathy from their husbands, while men think of sex (Shaikh Yaser Birjas, Fiqh of Love: Marriage in Islam)

Al Bousseeri said in his poetry:

“Does the lover think that his love can be concealed?

While his eyes are shedding tears and his heart is glowing.

Had it not been for love,

you would not have shed tears at the ruins (of your beloved),

nor would you become restless at the remembrance of the cypress (tree) at the high mountain,

How do you deny love after the testimony, Borne against you by (such) reliable witnesses as

your tears and your illness.

I write on the basis of love that is humble and not a lustful one. The best of love is to love for the sake of Allah and when it is hate, it should be for His sake.

Ibn Hazm believes the philosophy of love, according to him, souls are scattered in the air and when they meet, they feel love. He believes that, the theory of love is based on similar characteristics; a Love that is humble and not lustful.

Islam seeks to protect the sanctity and rights of women by providing steps in developing a legal relationship (marriage) with them. Through which peace could be maintained in the societies. Love just happens, it comes uninvited but it shall be a humble one before it should be accepted, it is just natural.

Gradual Steps of Creating a Genuine Love

Islam demands that no man should seek the love of a lady without the prior consent of her parents or guardian. This rule seeks to maintain peace in the society between communities, families and individuals, and also to protect women from being deceived by men, as they are prone to deception. Allah S.W.A says:

“…marry them with the approval of their parents…”

Based on the above principle, a solid principle is developed that out-rightly prohibited a man who seeks for the love of a lady without the consent of her parents or guardian.

In another dimension, it is prohibited for a man to propose to a lady who is already being betrothed by another man. This is provided by the saying of the Noble Prophet (Peace be upon him) on the event of his last sermon on the day of his last pilgrimage. He said: “…..no brother shall seek or intends to betroth a lady who has been betrothed by another man” Malik in Muwatta’ Imam Malik.

From the above noble tradition, all the Islamic Schools of Thought believe that every Muslim should comply with the provision, as it is a clear command. Some part of the scholars believe that any Muslim who disregards the provision is said to have committed sin. And also who succeeded in marrying the lady, some believed that such marriage is invalid. Others believe that such marriage is valid subject to the bride or husband apologizing to the first suitor (Kitab ul- Nikah, Fiqhu as-Sunnati ala Mazahibu al-Arba’)

Impacts of Islam on the methods of Acquiring Love

“Prior to Islam”, written by the authors of The Cultural Atlas of Islam, “a woman was regarded by her parents as a threat to their family honor, hence, worthy of burial alive at infancy”. This is as a result of improper rules and laws safeguarding the dignity of women and society as it relates to women. “A woman as an adult was seen as a sex machine or objects that could be bought, sold and inherited. From this position of inferiority and legal incapacity, Islam raised women to a position of influence and prestige in the family and society.

The fear of those pre-Islamic communities was caused by the lack of just laws which led them to bury their female children, was the fear for their family lineage and respect. Islam introduced a safeguarding principles regarding the protection of sustainable love (peace) in the societies and as it relates to women and men in general. These impacts cannot be over emphasized.

Status of Courtship in Islam (Permissibility and Prohibited)

Islam as a religion, recognizes courtship between man and woman with dos and don’ts that are clear-cut and guide the act. As mentioned above, one should seek the leave or consent of a lady’s parents before engaging in establishing relationship with her, and no man should ask for a woman in marriage where another has already done so (Malik: Book 11: Hadith 28: 1.1)

From the above it is clear that Islam recognizes courtship. It is reported that Prophet (peace be upon him) said to one of his companions who told prophet that he had gotten a suitor, he (peace be upon him) said to him “…go to her parent’s home, so that you may see what you may like from her”. This is a clear evidence that Islam recognizes courtship with restrictions that it should always be at her parent’s house and in the presence of one person from her family depending on the circumstances. Not taking her for date to places like Tantalizers, KFC, beach, Mr. Biggs’ etc. though one can do that but it must be with a member of  her family.

Among the reasons in which some kinds of courtship become outrightly prohibited is to protect the dignity of human race, this is because it leads to being in privacy with a non-mahram which is prohibited by the Noble Prophet (peace be upon him). The Noble Prophet said: “No two persons (man and woman) will keep a privacy except their third becomes Shaytan (devil)”. In another tradition, he says: “no woman shall maintain or stay in privacy with a man who is not her husband except there is with her a mahram (blood relation or person whom there is marriage prohibition between them)”.

It can lead to unlawful acts like touching, kissing, coming closer to each other; which lead to the exhaustion of their emotions before getting married and also damage reputation of family lineage and cultural reputations.

Why love stories don’t last forever?

A sinful relationship will cause animosity and hatred but a legal relationship increase love between husband and wife, increases peace between families, and societies in general. People take wrong examples for marriage like celebrities where marriage don’t last long. During the pre-marital relationship, people consume their emotions, passions, love etc. and when they start plan to marry, they break and marry someone else.

How many communities are in fracas due to one thing or the other which marriages have solved such animosity between them?

Many communities as of today refuse to let their sons and daughters marry each other. Why? Because they know that marriage could solve their animosity which they are not ready to see its end.

Awakening Call

Let us go back to the drawing board and strategize our beliefs; let us stop pretending and start acting. Islam is a one way traffic, no alternative or shortcut way… Let us reform ourselves, let’s love for our brothers what we love for ourselves, and let’s love for the sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers and wives of others what we love for ours. Remember that she’s someone’s daughter, mother or wife. Remember you don’t want it for your daughter, mother and wife or to be told that it is done to your mother.

For fathers, know that you lack the power to force your daughters to marry men against their will. A virgin came to Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so he (peace be upon him) commanded that her father should let her exercise her choice (Dawud: Book 11: Hadith 2091).

To daughters, know that your parents have discretionary powers to choose for you husbands with justice and subject to your acceptance; and at the same time have power to prevent you from marrying people who they see as bad and lack moral responsibilities. But parents, you should not prevent them from marrying people who are of good character. Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “if a man comes to you (seeking your daughter’s hands in marriage) who have believed to be of religious soundness and moral standard and character, married to him. If you disregard that, there may be atrocities and spread of wrongdoings”. Get your daughters to people who are conscious of Allah, if they love them, they will honor them. If they don’t love them for some reason or another and there is a problem, they will send them home in peace without oppressing them. Consider the choice of your parents my sisters!

In conclusion, love is recommended in Islam and it must be done or conducted in the manner that one should not put another in jeopardy either directly or indirectly. Always remember that she’s a daughter, mother and wife of somebody (one day); treat women with respect and they should respect their men too.

My sisters, recognize your worth, stay away from bad behaviors, guard your future, no woman will live in peace if one day her son or daughter would know the bad life she had lived. For every future, there is a start, today is that starting point. Do you know that in every old person of impeccable character there was one day a young person of such character? Be good at your young age for your old age, know now that nothing is new under the sun, and know that we are all accountable of our action.

Wa akhiru da’a wana anil hamdu lil-Lahi Rabbil Alamin.

Allah knows best.